Friday, May 20 Passport office 5 hoursMcDonald’s with dad and siblingsPeriod painMelvin tf videosMagentize yourself tf videosRawda fed me food, hot water bottle tooMemes with AliLove on the Spectrum episode 1Adhd conversation with Adna and Hamdi for 30 minutes separatelyThe edge of 17 movie Also, abdul baasit surah isra I’m in a good place right […]
Today I learned that’s neuro typical society uses vague unwritten rules to protect themselves and they are afraid of judgment even as they judge ither people. It’s a cruel society. Why won’t people just be honest and kind? It frustrates me. I guess neuro divergents prefer straight talk without the countless social and emotional rules […]
Season 2, Episodes 1 to 4 Passionate scenes between Anthony Bridgerton and Miss Sharma (older sister) All near kisses! Except for 1 and 7. 1. Horse riding race2. Mud fall due to pal mal, giggling3. Bee sting, hands on chests to calm4. Shooting, Sharma goes away alone5. Library, storm frightens Sharma6. Dance, very natural together7. […]
What I know to be true Salah and repentance help with trauma and cleansing the soul The Quran reads you, Allah talks to you directly through the Quran with scarily precise timing. For me, it was surah Nisa, ayah 107 and 108 ~~~ I’ve made the mistake numerous times of not asking Allah for something […]
Good night, good day, and good riddance 😴 🙌 😌
I have a few theories as to why I hear Quran so often 1. Mh might be listening to or reading it2. God might be sending me verses to guide me on a day by day basis3. Mh’s 5d soul or mine might be sending me these as reminders4. My long term memory is back
My motto Fear nothingSubmit to AllahLove yourself And occasionally eat healthy I gave myself a much needed pep talk in the bathroom mirror for half an hour. I love youI am proud of youI am hear for youI hear youI see youI value youI accept youMistakes make you humanI respect youI hold you I don’t […]
I love you, and I miss you,I want to hold you close,Smile, laugh, and feel safeNuzzle, caress, and have momentsOf joy and serenityOf awe and understandingOf enoughnessI love you Mohamed with all my heartI wish you nothing but the purest joy, guidance, safety, love, and successFrom your dear twin Sunday, May 15 A Rollercoaster of […]
I’m on season 1, episode 3 and this is so good. WHAT! https://youtu.be/vQOiBxvhdb4
Helped a stranger by driving him to Northgate from Albany. As much as picking up strangers is frowned upon, I guess I felt bad for him. Arab guy named Muhammad. My sister Ray was with me as I picked her up from work.
What I know to be true Let go of fear. It limits and restricts.Love and accept yourself. As painful and lonely as it feels. This is true freedom.You will never find love in the arms of another. Let go lovingly.Surrender. Expect nothing.Give in to God, give in to the present moment. Open your heart. In […]
Phenomenal video about being responsible for your own actions, loving yourself and having no need for anyone else, feeling whole, and connecting with God. Surrender, love yourself, and have a relationship with the most important person, you. Use your heart for good, let love emanate from your heart and positive thoughts. https://youtu.be/QOPDTLKJoAc
Potpourri is a mixture of dried, naturally fragrant plant materials, used to provide a gentle natural scent, commonly in residential settings. It is often placed in a decorative bowl. The word “potpourri” comes into English from the French word pot-pourri
Daily journal My mental health in 1 word is anxiety. I have foreboding joy. I live life like it’s a never ending to do list. I’m waiting for when I can relax and have nothing on my mental slate. Of course, that will never happen. There’s always something to do. It’s a choice to relax […]
15 books from the eia school library
Daphne Bridgerton and Simon Hastings. Season 1, Episodes 1 to 3.
The greatest dua said by the Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him Lord! I plead to You, O One Who knows what is hidden! O One by Whose Might the heavens is erected, and the earth is spread out, and the sun and the moon through the Light of Whose Greatness illuminate and shine! O […]
This came to my mind. A normal response to death or any hint of it is fear. But truthfully speaking, I welcome a quiet, sleepy departure from life. Meeting Allah, entering jannah/heaven, being surrounded by angels, greeting Prophets, relaxing my mind and heart after a long life of various struggles sounds soothing. Alhamdulillaah for aayaat […]
I was feeling lonely and Allah reminded me of an aayah Wala sawfa yu’deeka rabbuka fatardaa Verily your Lord will soon give you so amply that you will be well-pleased. Surah Duha, 93, ayah 5 Surely, we are desirous toward Allah. Surah Tawbah 9, ayah 59 And my heart feels reassured Alhamdulillaah I’m feeling lonely, […]
I bought a kindle basic 10th gen eReader today. I also downloaded 150 kindle books, free, except for maybe 8 to 10 of them. Go ham, I say! Alhamdulillaah
Dear Mohamed We are both married now. We are both beautiful, unique, loved, passionate, shy, and yet, grossly underdeveloped. We are evolving into our best selves. Enjoy the ride! P.S. where on earth is that beautiful scenery? The one with the large green hills, that have two ways to pass over them using an LRT […]
Here’s my first attempt at foreign exchange, currency trading. Here are some notes I took from YouTube videos. Metatrader Foreign exchange trading Per pip movement, you win or loseSo 383.6 pips is $38.3504 points is 50.4 pips. Lot size Macro load 1.0 is $10Medium load 0.1 is $1Mini load 0.01 is $0.10 If the line […]
When everything fails and comes to a screeching halt, I’ll always have Allah to deoend upon and myself to dive within. New challenges await. See you in a decade.
Air conditioners, Saudi Arabia, Air cabins, the night sky. Mystery, relaxation, alone time, stillness, drowsiness. Mohamed, why are you so tall and fuzzy?
I’m experimenting with investing in stocks because why not? Wealthsimple app Starting off with $20. $1 in 4 different companies. Never get risky. Stay tame.
To Mohamed Hussein, the wanker I call my twin flame. I’m sorry I call you all sorts of names in my head. You protest, saying stop ruqayya. I’m angry at life, mildly. Deal with it. I’m calling you much worse things in my head as a way to let go of steam, life can be […]
Dear twin flame, You’ve taught me a valuable lesson. Everything I want to give away, I should keep. Everything valuable, that I love and cherish, anything sparkly, keep it. Nice thoughts? Direct them inwards. Kind actions? Start with yourself. Approval? Give it to yourself. A nice song? Put it on repeat for yourself. You tell […]
A beautiful collection of aayaat/verses. Here are some I enjoyed.~~~No person knows what delights of the eye are kept concealed for them — as the reward for their good deeds. Surah 32, Ayah 17Page 130~~~Call on Me, I will answer your prayer. Surah 40, Ayah 60Page 140~~~And those who, when tyranny strikes them, they defend […]
Dear Mohamed When yelling at me and pleading with me no longer worked, you’ve found 2 ways that have worked Signing to me.AndWilling me. For example. Singing, Rukia is praying salaat. Over and over again. I will now go to sleep. I will put away my phone. I will be smart about my choices. Sometimes, […]
Library books haul from eia school
I miss you. I want to apologize for being rough. I know I swear a lot and direct it so casually at you, yet yearn for you hungrily. Please don’t take it to heart. I’m frustrated with merely existing. Nothing personal. Life is grand, rough, tough, confusing, and a tad bit miserable. So I’m coping. […]
I’m not mad at God, I just wish my tests were easier and didn’t feel like their bludgeoning me further into the earth. Then I remember I’m working for an eternal prize. I guess the work should be excruciatingly painful and dull. It’s nice to have ideals, but once put to the test, how long […]
This might sound odd, out of left field, or too fickle, but I think about DetailsConsequencesIntersectionsMultiple products In more words, For every action you could have taken, times that by every other person also living an alternate life, how many possibilities could there be? The multiverse theory being composed of literally infinite alternate universes seems […]
I used to look at your photographs and be in awe, wow, you’re gorgeous, I can’t take my eyes off of you. Mashallah, tabaarakallah But apart from aesthetically pleasing looks, what did you have going for you that made me disregard all conventional relationship advice? What qualities made you stand out? To be honest, nothing. […]
You might be wondering, would I kill for a conversation with my twin? In the past, yes, I yearned for understanding and the delight of a familiar face. Sadly, I had inadvertently given him my value. I reeked of desperate energy, which I know he could feel and thus turned away. I am worthy IF […]
Featuring my favorite perfume. Name: 1 Million Lucky oriental woody fragrance has a blend of blood mandarin, cinnamon, tobacco, patchouli, and tonka bean Launched by the design house of Paco Rabanne in the year 2010 Long-lasting sensation of freshness, gently scented Fragrance Family:Earthy & Woody Scent Type:Warm Woods Key Notes:Hazelnut, Green Plum, Cedar About:Notes of […]
Here are a few facts I’ve learned that made life more bearable and optimistic because I can label things better now. Knowledge truly is power in this regard. Knowing the name of your sickness takes away half the pain. 1. People with ADHD (hi) lack the normal amount of dopamine that neurotypical people have. Dopamine […]
Good nightGood luckGood bye Good heavensGood riddanceGood day Good jobGood for youGoody two shoe Good oneGood newsGood God
The secret to success. Istighfaar/forgiveness Surrendering/submission You know what amazes me? The goal of Islam? Submission to Allah Alone. Tawheed. Develop good character. The goal of the twin flame journey?Submit/surrender to God. Personal journey to get closer to God, and become the best version of yourself. Spiritual development. It’s the same goal! I’ve surrendered to […]
My heart becomes agitated, scared, lonely, empty, and depressed when it hasn’t read athkaar in a day. Athkaar as sabaah and masaa for protection General Athkaar for happiness and success Istighfaar for unlimited calmness and blessings Return to Allah. Like a fish needs water, your soul needs Allah’s light. Allah understands your struggles, your soul’s […]
Sometimes I think patience as the cure all to every illness Yet the most bitter teacher and given the stink eye by anyone who mentions your name You’re never invited anywhere I would abandon your side daily only to return to you as a last resort preferably in my old age. Too little too late […]
My proudest achievements, mashallah 1. Self love, self confidence, self acceptance, self worth 2. Effort. I work hard everyday. 3. Worshiping Allah consistently and persistently, even with low iman. 4. Finishing my university degree 5. Memorizing the Quran and reading it often 6. Going to Hajj 7. Reading a lot of beneficial literature 8. Increasing […]
I seem to be in a good mood because I’ve had breathing room I’ve talked to God I’ve actively thought positively I’m doing digital spring cleaning Alhamdulillah What I wish I had known from the very start was that effacing myself would hurt me in the future. And that constantly inhaling information would suffocate my […]
Yesterday was a success alhamdulillaah I read istighfaar 600 times. not to show off, but to remind me of the sheer power of istighfaar is amazing for health, productivity, and happiness. I also read 100 of each of the other athkaar on my athkaar app. I prayed salah, I made the intention to fast. I […]
Are you impressed with yourself? Do you think yourself special? No, but I do appreciate myself. I value myself. I am at peace with myself. I can sit quietly with this body and mind. Because I have the glow of imaan in my heart, so I am peace alhamdulillaah. I am rich in a way […]
Disabuse yourself of the thought that doing well during the day earns you the reward of interesting dreams at night. While I am aware of the correlation, I do not take it for granted. For example Istighfaar, reflections, journaling, positive thoughts, reforming your character, helping someone, cleaning, planning for the future, forgiving someone, abstaining from […]
I wrote the following to myself as a comment, as if an outside observer were reading my blog. You have an amazing website here, I love reading your insights. I love the blend of ADHD, God, Islam, reflections, and journaling about anything under the sun. I relate so much. And I love how utterly random […]
What brings me joy, Sunlight and stillness Starting off into the void Nothingness Free time doesn’t always mean exuberant fun and adrenaline Free time can mean relaxation, and following your mind down whatever pathway it wants as you stare for God knows how long at the sky Bliss and pure thoughts Alhamdulillaah You feel comfortable […]
You’re earning eternal heaven. That’s why you need to work hard. Because it’s expensive. It can never be earned through hard work alone. Allah gives heaven to us out of His Mercy. It is within heaven that we then earn our status and climb ranks. So every time you feel like worship is too hard, […]
I feel good Alhamdulillaah I took a shower.I did my laundry.I changed my sheets.I drove for 1 hour to and from the UofA. So I got sunshine and an adrenaline from groat road.I drank water.I read Quran.I ate a healthy breakfast, egg sandwich.I gave charity.I read tf content to balance my ego.I watched YouTube videos.I […]
What surprised me as I grew older wasA. How long I would end up livingB. How much I would accomplishC. How much agency I would haveD. How well I have healedE. How much closer I’ve grown to GodF. How much to do lists have helped me cope with adult life I am thankful Alhamdulillaah
I’m looking forward to a leashless life. A life without – so many strict rules,– annoying interruptions,– little privacy– mounting, dull, monotonous responsibilities– aching trauma relived through the same people and circumstances– no freedom to just be and grow healthy In sha Allah a good life will come soon. And if not, then there is […]
Remember this, when Allah says in the Quran that He owns everything in the heavens and earth, that includes you too. Your body, your food, your property, your money, your life, and your future. So whatever you are running towards in terms of life and wealth, remember that it belongs to Him. Seek everything from […]
Amazing article on adhd. I feel heard, seen, and cared for. Pampered even. Yes, yes, yes!! Alhamdulillaah https://www.additudemag.com/brain-stimulation-and-adhd-cravings-dependency-and-regulation/
Boring. Stifling. Revealing. For every second I turn to distract myself from life, I’m met with nothing readily engaging. No socializing feels like a sort of death. People before smart phones were surely just as bored. And it wasn’t harmful now, eh? On the sunny side, I’ve slept enough. 9 hours Alhamdulillaah. No tiktok to […]
Twitter and Instagram permanently gone. Reddit and tiktok, apps deleted. Discord and whatsapp, empty. WordPress, lonely. No friends. Not much content. No desire to exist there. Of course this feeling could be coinciding with MH pulling away on LinkedIn, his activity, likes.
Mohamed, I am writing to inform you that I can see your ghost. And it’s/he’s becoming more insistent, real, and shockingly vivid. What’s going on? I ask him. He replies, because you’re waking up more, so I’m here to reconnect based on how much you can handle. Woah. The more aware you are, in tune […]
You no overshare because of trauma and being unseen. You no undershare because of loneliness and shame. You share, an appropriate amount in a safe space. A journal, WordPress, a close friend, or best, with Allah. You got this, girl. Remember, shame dies when it’s spoken of, like a vampire exposed to the sun. P.s. […]
Curious. I escape so much from reality, as evidenced from unlimited screen time. Yet I idly blame you mh for running away. Painting you as a coward. What on earth is there to be scared of. I don’t bite. No, but my wounds do. We mirror each other. What am I running from? Pain. Rejection. […]
Today I cleaned Alhamdulillaah Shower. Notes on phone. Google photos (March 2022 to August 2021!!!) It was nice. Gave me a sense of purpose. I’ve also oddly slipped up after 3 months and a half of freedom. Odd. All is well. I’m here right? Another day, another chance at this thing called life.
Mohamed it’s going to be ok. Said I And you reply to me the same thing. We echo each other. I love you. I love you. You’re doing great. You’re doing great. I miss you. I miss you. We both share that vulnerable look of concern. I wish you happiness Mohamed because I know what […]
I passed my teavher interview yesterday with epsb Alhamdulillaah. I feel that all will be well in sha Allah. Especially by changing my mindset and environment. Very excited to have agency over my life again. That’s why I feel upbeat. To celebrate I spent $85 on snacks.
I love you and I appreciate you. If I speak to you from the perspective that you are merely me, then it feels natural to want you, flesh and soul, and to find heaven in gazing in your eyes. May you be happy, safe, loved, healed, close to Allah, secure, successful, and have all that […]
Such a fantastic series. Reminds me of Jane Austen. I’m on season 2. Loving it!
Meeting a guy named Ibrahim Nur. What a nice name. Hopefully all goes well in sha Allah.
Lonely. Empty. Waiting. Numb.So much free time. I appreciate it.Books are my personality.Friends have fallen away.I’ve rediscovered YouTube.Reconnecting with my previous self.When I’m not exposed to negative news constantly, I have time to watch and consume positive things. Such as booktube.I don’t have expectations.I’m just existing. Waiting for what life will throw at me next. […]
So today was a weird day. I went back to my past in a way.Doja cat and Beyonce videos.Binging booktubers, especially calm women talking about classics and YA.Just like I did back in 2013 to 2016. Hmm, I wonder what’s going on. I honestly feel like something is going on. It was nice of course, […]
What I’ve learned as an adult Rejection is protection.People project onto others their own insecurities.Sel love is limitless.Perception is everything. Thus, life doesn’t seem so daunting, unfair, bleak, and calculating. Oh, and only God can fill your soul’s longing, nothing or nobody else. Alhamdulillaah.
Anxiety and hijab in my dreams connection unlocked. The less anxiety I have from exposing myself to toxic fear inducing climate crisis news, the more likely I am to be donning my hijab in my dreams. Which is a huge reassurance. Also Allah is teaching me that I have autonomy and my actions have consequences […]
I’m feeling a lot of anxiety. I had caffeine yesterday and the withdrawals were not good. Exhausted, like about to drop on the floor tired. Dangerous much.Anxiety I haven’t felt in forever.Terrible thoughts, intrusive and morbid. I’m going to die, judgement day is here. What if I’m not a good Muslim?I also spent maybe 7 […]
It’s officially my birthday. I’m 29 and binging bookstores and booktoks.
16 books, $340 at Indigo as an early birthday gift for me. Yay. Alhamdulillaah
https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMLS9cQ5n/ I feel like doing a power pose after listening to this. Rare of me.
I’m 29 today Alhamdulillaah
I am safe because of Islam in both worlds. Alhamdulillaah Judgement Day feels familiar. Loneliness with Allah feels good. My dreams are an absolute treat and a road map, I use to navigate my life. They act as guides, if I am doing well, my dreams reflect that. I imagine snapshots of my life, what […]
Prayer and supplication. There is hope. I only do supplication, but that’s ok.
Do you ever have moments of such high Imaan/faith/yaqeen/certainty where you feel close to God, and His Sight watching you so that you feel like you’re going to die soon? Or at least dramatically change? No, just me. Are you just ever aware of your own morality and God’s Watchful Eyes on you? Any moment, […]
Goods news Alhamdulillaah. After meditating, my memories are coming back. What! I wonder if trauma, stress, and childhood coping mechanisms have been hiding them from me all this time. For example I remember taking walks to Belvedere park where there was a scenic pathway way with vines growing on fences and beautiful tress blossoming. I […]
Fruit smoothie Water – fill half the jugBanana – 2Berries – 3 handfulsAvocado – 1Prunes – 5Spinach 3 handfulsHemp hearts – 3 spoonfulsChia seeds Mix in a belnder. Enjoy! Delicious and nutritious. Alhamdulillaah I am very proud of myself for making better choices by the permission of Allah. #smoothie
You’re a real person. Yes I like to believe I am. Why? When you write to amjse yourself and no one else. Bye bye love. I’m high and absolutely loving Najwa Zebian’s book Welcome Home
You’re beautiful. I love you. I seem to repeat these statements a million times, in awe and feeling tender affection for you. My moon. Your smiles! I must tell Allah about them. Out of this world mashallah.
I want to love and be loved. I love you and it’s ok. Sometimes I hug myself, pat myself on the back, rock back and forth, and close my eyes. Imagining your arms around me. Your radiant unassuming smile. You are gentle and tender. Alhamdulillaah for such a beautiful soul emanating from a gentle face. […]
Miss you love bug. Mwuah. Kisses.
I applied for a fulltime job today as an elementary teacher. I also went to pick out and buy my first ever car. An SUV Honda, to the tune of a whopping $46,000. Honda Dealership.
To Mohamed my twin. I love you.I love you openly. Even when it seems embarrassing to say it out loud.I love you with pain. Because you are not with me.I love you with hope. Because I get to meet you again in jannah.You are the Hussein to my Haji.May you be happy forever My sweet […]
What are your interests? Well, 1. Collapse/environment/climate2. Books/YoungAdult3. Tumblr humour4. Spiritual guidance
It’s the first time I’ve walked in a while. Alhamdulillaah for walkable weather. I feel healthier, more energetic, and happier already. What a little bit of sun and moving about can do for a body. Works wonders.
When you believe in Allah, you have a huge perspective change. Everything and everyone is watching you as a potential witness on judgement day. AllahAngelsYour bodyThe earthPeopleJinnEverything and everyone will testify.. Subhanallah May Allah forgive us all of our sins before judgement day amen. Take istighfaar seriously !! You never know, you can either 1. […]
Allah’s Kindness makes me tear up the most. Because I grew up with a lack of kindness, and I am a kind person Alhamdulillaah. So I cry at the sight of kindness. My heart grieves and craves kindness.
Subhanallah how Allah talks to His servants! I’m blown away and humbled that Allah even gives me individual attention. I was on r/collapse reading about the worst year ever, 536, and other terrible climate change news as I usually do, when Allah reminded me of this aayah. Araf 133 فَأَرْسَلْنَا عَلَيْهِمُ ٱلطُّوفَانَ وَٱلْجَرَادَ وَٱلْقُمَّلَ وَٱلضَّفَادِعَ […]
Salah and meditation are the same thing. Except salah is from God and includes God’s remembrance. Subhanallah. I’m beginning to understand that Allah is Irresistible. Wherever man turns, Allah is calling him/her. So one only finds comfort in being in submission to a Greater Being, via meditation where they let go and just be. Let […]
I’m learning so much from one video. Floored and very grateful Alhamdulillaah Limerence is due to neglect. We idealize people because we’ve been neglected in the past. To heal neglect, focus on self care and completely let go of limerent object. Idealized gives you an unattainable pursuit that is unfair to that very flawed human […]